I can be no one other than who I am.
I’m afraid for some it is not enough.
I thrive being with people, but I need my down time too.
I love to laugh with people.
But, when I am tired, I get cranky.
When I am excited, I get loud.
I can be funny and kind and sweet.
I can be empathetic and understanding.
But I can also be fierce and stubborn.
Try as I might to be gentle, sometimes I am not.
I am a lover of God, my family, people in general, and all of Creation
(though mosquitoes and flies still “bug” me).
I am a husband, a father, a son, a pastor, a man, a European-American,
but none of those things really describes who I am.
When people criticize me, I get hurt and I take it personally,
no matter how hard I try to receive it constructively.
I cry at sad movies. I cry sometimes during worship.
I cry sometimes when I am alone, just to cry.
I am sad when I hurt people, which often keeps me up at night.
I love to spend time with people, just so we can get to know one another.
I can be a good listener,
but I have to be able to ask questions—not everyone wants me to ask questions.
I am a thinker—my mind goes crazy
with a million things at once throughout most days,
yet I rarely get headaches (except when I’m hungry).
I am a constant pray-er—trying desperately to listen for God
while also trying to share my inner most thoughts,
reflections, feelings, and emotions with the only One who truly knows me.
(my wife comes in a close second I think)
I am a nerd and love gadgets.
I love to read, though I can’t seem to find the time lately.
I wish I were thinner and fitter and more athletic,
and I wish my clothes hung on me well.
And I have come to love who I am,
and who I am becoming.
I am who I am, and I am trying to be who God is inviting me to be.
And I can be no one other than who I am.
The honesty, candor and vulnerability expressed here are refreshing. How many of us can sum ourselves so succinctly and poignantly. I makes us ask ourselves who we are. In my files next to my computer is the self-analysis paper I wrote in college in October 1967 — almost 45 years ago, at age 21. It was for a sociology course called, “Courtship and Marriage.” The 14-page “A Self-Analysis and Autobiography Paper” laid me out. “It’s difficult to be me. I’ve found I can change just like the tide and it’s a good feeling. I remember as a youngster, I one day was hit by the fact that I really belonged to me….My class voted me president in our freshman year. From that point on, I strived for every honor. It wasn’t long before I gained enough status with my school that I became one of the school’s elite, and with all the influence, my amibitions soared ever higher….”
Thank you Lawn. It is a humbling exercise.